Feeling Like I'm Faking It
I hear a lot about "imposter syndrome" when we discuss women in the workplace. If you haven't read the countless think-pieces about why women struggle with the idea that they're inadequate at work and don't deserve their roles — despite doctorates, decades of impressive experience, or even building their own companies from the ground up — I highly recommend this article by HuffPo about the phenomenon.
It's one thing to read about imposter syndrome, and it's another to experience it. I struggle almost daily with my own special cocktail of workplace anxieties, which contributes to an overall feeling of: "Holy sh*t, somebody is going to find out that I have no clue what I'm doing and fire me."
Anytime I'm asked to train somebody about a topic in my realm of "expertise." Every time I'm offered a chance to present on behalf of my company at a major industry event. Every time my editors want my byline on a big piece that's going to earn a lot of attention within the industry. Every single time, I always balk internally, thinking: "Why me?!!"
Nevermind that I have been writing in the digital media world since I was 17, with bylines for Seventeen, Bustle, College Fashionista, Her Campus, and of course POPSUGAR. I graduated early by a year with a specialty focus and two minors, working multiple jobs concurrently and interning throughout my time at school. By all accounts, I am capable. I am good at what I do, and I enjoy doing it. But somehow, I always feel like I'm faking it.
Is there any way past it? Will I someday wake up and realize that, oh, I actually have been on top of my sh*t the entire time? I don't know the answer, but I know I'm not alone in it. Most of the savvy, strong, otherwise confident women that I surround myself with feel the same way, despite their achievements in the workforce, and it breaks my heart. Maybe the change will start with us.
So next time somebody compliments my problem solving, or suggests I tackle a major project, or asks me to represent our brand at a major event, I won't shrug off their nice words. I'll own them, because I'm capable. I'm no imposter — I'm a creative, intelligent woman, and I've worked hard for what I've got. I won't let some syndrome rob me of that.