And Then I Met You

You bolted into my life like lightning. In the interest of only 25 minutes, we went from fearing for your little life to you being lifted out of my body and into this world. But it took even less time for you to undo everything in my existence. From the first moment they placed you on my chest and I gazed down into your massive, dark eyes, it’s like every cell in my body was rewritten. Until the second I leave this life, every piece of me, every breath through my lungs will be yours. Everybody always told me that I wouldn’t understand until I met you, and there would be no words for the experience of loving you and being your mom… but I didn’t expect it to be so complete, so full, and so instant. I am overcome. 

I didn’t understand the profundity of the feelings that I am capable of feeling, or that it can truly seem like my heart now exists outside my body. 

I didn’t understand how quickly you would make everything else feel insignificant; how like sand in the wind, my priorities could shift entirely in mere moments. 

I didn’t understand how seeing your dad with you could make me love him with a new depth that I didn’t realize could still be unearthed after all these years of loving him so much. Your tiny hands, feet, and ears are his in miniature; I hope you also inherit his gentleness, patience, and the profound way he cares for you, me, and the others in his life. 

I didn’t understand how mothers lifted cars until I met you and realized that I could and would do anything for you, my sweet baby boy. 

There’s so much about this life-altering new role as your mama that I still don’t understand. I never expected to spend your first nights outside my body separated from you, or for your first meals to be served through a tube, or for your first time holding my hand to be with a tiny IV poked into it, or for your dad and I to walk out of the hospital with you still inside instead of in your little carseat like we always imagined. But though I might not understand it all now, you’ve already taught me that I can learn — we will figure it out together. I’ve never been so excited to face the unknown. 

I love you to the ends of the earth and beyond, my Rohan. Thank you for making me your mom.