The Next Big Adventure: We're Having a Baby!

I’ve never been someone who dreamt of becoming a parent. In fact, as many of my friends and family know, until my mid-twenties I was staunchly anti-baby — for myself, anyway! I’ve always loved a baby cuddle, and have prided myself in being the “book aunt” who showers my unsuspecting niece and nephews with new reading material on every birthday and holiday. Even when I got married and stopped swearing off the idea of starting a family altogether, it was always a “maybe someday” or “I’m not sure.” So imagine my surprise when, of all things, a global pandemic changed my perspective on motherhood.

As it did for a lot of people, COVID-19 caused me to re-evaluate my lifestyle, values, goals, and future plans. While an unprecedented global health crisis might’ve had the opposite effect on many would-be parents, the events of 2020 ultimately led me to realize that I didn’t want to wait around playing a game of what if. I realized how much I truly wanted to see Christopher as a dad, watch my parents become grandparents, and yes, dive headfirst into the thrilling/confusing/terrifying/rewarding/challenging already-an-emotional-clusterf*ck of an experience that is motherhood.

So, here we are. Today, on California’s official re-opening day, I’m 23 weeks pregnant!

We shot these photos when I was 18 or 19 weeks along. It’s wild how much both the baby and I have grown since then.

If pregnancy so far is any indicator of what’s to come, then I know that raising this child will be a nonstop learning experience that simultaneously scares the bejeezus out of me and makes me feel utterly alive.

I’m coming to grips with why every parent tells you that it flies by, because more than half of this pregnancy feels like it’s elapsed in a blink. I’ve already experienced pain like nothing else I’ve ever known, many sleepless nights, a nonstop whirlwind of anxiety and excitement, and an endless sense of wonder at what’s happening to my body. It is unspeakably bizarre that there’s a complete stranger subleasing my womb for the next four months and speed-bagging my bladder at all hours. But at the same time that my body and its new occupant feels totally foreign, I’ve never felt happier in my own skin and more connected to myself.

I guess I’ll have to get used to all of these paradoxes?

Anyway, I’m sure that despite my current confidence that my life won’t be entirely dominated by this new phase, I’ll have lots more to share about pregnancy, first lessons in parenthood, and everything in between. For now, you can catch me marveling at tiny socks and pajamas while enjoying my last three months in an adults-only household.

Cheers to the next big adventure!